On movies that suck

Glitter Carrazzie

You did it Mariah! (NOTE: The Carrazzie is simply a trophy with former Hollywood director Edward Wood’s likeness on it. He has a cult following of fans who love him for being the worst director of all time.

 

It’s been a while… time for some top 10 lists:

MY BIGGEST MOVIE DISAPPOINTMENTS

10. Godzilla (1998)
9. No Holds Barred (1989) – Hulk, you forgot your vitamins, prayers, training, and any sense of discernment at all when you made this one.
8. Jaws 3D (1983) and Jaws: the Revenge (1987)
7. The Seventh Seal (1957)
6. All of the following superhero movies: Spider-man 3 (2007), Catwoman (2004), Hulk (2003), Batman Returns (1992) — and all other Batman movies following until Batman Begins came out
5. Pearl Harbour (2001)
4. Planet of the Apes (2001)
3. The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
2. Robin Hood (2010)
1. The Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions (2003)

Yes, Star Wars: Episode I should be on the list, but for me all of the movies listed above were bigger disappointments.


MOVIES I’VE AVOIDED WATCHING FOR FEAR OF THEM SUCKING

10. The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)
9. Miami Vice (2006)
8. Alien Vs Predator (1993)
7. Bruno (2009)
6. Alexander (2004)
5. Mars Attacks (1996)
4. Blues Brothers 2000 (1998)
3. Aliens 3 (1992)
2. The Godfather, Part III (1990)
1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

MOVIES THAT I LOVE BUT THAT DISAPPOINT MOST OTHERS

10. The Lone Ranger (2013)
9. Avatar (2009)
8. The Lady in the Water (2006)
7. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)
6. Mickey Blue Eyes (1999)
5. Chicken Little (2005)
4. The Men Who Stare at Goats (2009)
3. Superman Returns (2006)
2. The Man Who Knew Too Little (1997)
1. Nacho Libre (2006)

Congratulations Glitter. Be it ever so reluctantly, this is your week.

And the Oscar goes to…

Best Actress – Why Mariah Carey, of course. Mariah, you may have redeemed yourself in Precious, but only partially. We’ll never forget that you not only made this movie, but also released it to the public. Then there’s your music…

Best Actor – I haven’t seen these movies and I don’t recognize any names other than Mariah. So this week’s best actor will be the birds that attack the village.

Best Quote – “I hear a mountain lion! I gotta get back to my house and you better get to your car!” – Birdemic: Shock and Terror

And finally, the following are the worst movies ever made, in my humble opinion:

10. Who’s That Girl (1987) — Thank God for A League of Their Own, eh Madonna?
9. Left Behind (2000)
8. The Land Before Time 2 through 13 (1994-infinity)
7. The Evening Star: The Continuing Story of Terms of Endearment (1996)
6. Space Chimps (2008)
5. Smokey and the Bandit II (1980) — I only like Burt Reynolds when he’s Norm MacDonald
4. The Pacifier (2005)
3. Maid in Manhattan (2002) — Don’t you love it when movies make you cry? Depends on the reason you’re crying
2. God’s Not Dead (2014)
1. Movers and Shakers (1985) — Rented this one with my cousin from a gas station in Fredericton. Never been so bored in all my life.

 

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About troycarruthers

I am a franchise owner/technician specializing in mobile auto paint and tire rim repair. I live in New Brunswick, Canada, with my wife and children whom I love even more than movies.
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5 Responses to On movies that suck

  1. Good call in avoiding Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Continue avoiding it. For some encouragement, I too love The Man Who Knew Too Little. And finally, in your list of worst movies ever made, you should have Legends of the Friggin’ Fall. HATE THAT MOVIE! Thanks for letting us hate this week.

  2. I love Top 10 Lists, thinking of doing a few myself. I love arguing with Top Ten lists too… I can argue with my own…. and here is a bit of arguing for you!
    Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls is horrible… but here is why I think you need to see it. The tone and sense of adventure is the right flavor for the future of the Indiana Jones movies… and thats it… thats all I have for that.
    Alien vs Predator – I know alot of people didn’t like it… I loved it! is it smart? No. Are any of the other Alien movies smart? no. it is alot of fun. Some hate it because it doesn’t have enough blood. well, I don’t love the Alien franchise because it is bloody, I love it because the Aliens are awesome, fun and creepy. Add the Predators in there and the movie rocks. now, AVP 2 was bloodier… and horrible! so obviously all the weepy “needs more blood” people are misguided… and frankly alittle disturbed.
    I just have to take time right her to defend Left Behind (2000)… here is why this shouldn’t be on your list…. Because Left Behind (2014) is worse! So bad.
    And last but not least!… though I agree with most of your list of movies that disappointed others but not you… Superman Returns is on that list… so… now I don’t think we can be friends… goodbye

  3. Mama C says:

    Most of the movies on your list I never saw but I did enjoy Chicken Little and also Mickey Blue Eyes although that one was a tad disappointing.

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