Razzies are movies we didn’t enjoy. We hated them. Thinking about all three of these stinkers this past week got me thinking of other things I hate. Now this may sound strange, but there are a lot of words and phrases that I really don’t like. For instance…
It’s all good. Not it’s not! I repeat, IT IS NOT ALL GOOD! Usually this phrase is used merely as a substitution for “it’s ok” following an apology. And, of course, inside your head you’re thinking, “It really isn’t ok, just leave me alone so I can be mad at you. I’ll talk about this later with someone else.”
Slept like a baby. I’ve had three babies folks, so if you tell me you slept like a baby last night, I’m going to assume that means you woke up every 20 minutes screaming and refusing any help offered to you. And that you peed and pooped more than once in your bed.
Gaggle of geese. Apparently with every group of animals there is a different word used to describe said group. A murder of crows. A nursery of raccoons. A kindle of kittens. A flock of seagulls (nod to 80’s new wave synthpop). This is so useless, and I can only assume was invented by an elementary teacher who wanted to give her students yet another impossible list to memorize. Can we not simply use “group” for all of these?
Not my forté. Ok, the only reason I don’t like this one is because I keep forgetting what a forté is.
Umpire. Can we not all agree that when baseball was invented they should’ve come up with a better name for this position? The word was kind of already taken. Empire. They’re so close that as a child I couldn’t tell the difference. Like “Graham” and “Gram.” Honestly, when the first sequel to Star Wars was advertised, I was both excited and confused. My brother clarified things for me though.
Are ya workin’ hard or hardly workin’? People who ask me this make me feel like I’m Phil Connors and they’re Ned Ryerson.
Pianist. I don’t like this word mainly because of what it rhymes with. I remember sitting in church on a Sunday night and a guest speaker was telling a story that, in my mind, sounded like this: “We lost our church penis and were desperately trying to find a replacement. Jim was such a great penis but arthritis caught up with him. Speaking of which, you all have a great penis here in your music minister. He is fantastic!” If you must use this word, can you please pronounce it “pee-ANNE-ist”? As for me, “piano player” works just fine.
Best thing since sliced bread. Of all the innovations and inventions, this is the bar? It’s good stuff sure, but what about antibiotics? That was a biggie. Or how about coffee makers or bar code scanners? I think I’d even choose crayons over sliced bread.
It takes two to tango! Yeah well it takes five to form a congo line and only one to do the twist. What’s your point?
The whole nine yards. I grew up with metric, so I have no idea what you’re talking about.
You know what also grinds my gears? Just what Mama C pointed out: when people mess with a good thing, especially a classic story. So this Razzie was well deserved.
Congratulations Little Red Riding Hood (2015). This is your week.
And the Oscar goes to…
Best Actress and Actor: Seeing as I know none of the performers in this week’s nominees, I’ve decided to give this week’s award to my two personal favourites: Scarlett Johansson and Daniel Day-Lewis.
Best Quote: And seeing as I can find no quotes from any of these movies, here’s my favourite quote from a recent movie I watched: “Sometimes it’s the very people who no one imagines anything of who do the things no one can imagine.” Jack Bannon as Christopher Morcom in The Imitation Game.
Hopefully tomorrow morning I’ll be able to say that I slept like a… healthy 43-year-old man.