This past week was euphoric and memorable for me. I laid by a pool in Mexico with my wife, met with friends there, enjoyed +25 temperatures in February, and stayed at a luxurious resort. I could write pages and pages about any one of those things, but really, is that any of your business? Unless you are family or you have some money to slide over to me, that stuff is personal! I will share, however, about one of the wonderful experiences I had on my own. And I think many of you have as well.
I waited in the Toronto Airport not dreading the flight I was about to take. Yes, it was going to be over three hours, but those are the flights I enjoy. It is on these flights that airlines are inclined to supply time killers, such as movies. The anticipation of which ones would be showing was bringing back the 7-year-old me. The December edition. “Which movie will I get to see? I hadn’t yet seen all of the Oscars nominees. They even have a ‘classics’ category.”
“Geez!! When IS our zone going to be called!?”
Joy sat in her seat—a window one. She had to climb past two men to sit down. I gave each one the Liam Neeson in Taken look that we males all understand: “Touch her…and I will kill you.” Turning to the other side of the aisle I took my seat. A middle one. Between two women. I gave each that look that all women are familiar with. The Bruce Willis in Die Hard 2 look: (holds up ring finger) “Just the fax, ma’am.”
About an hour later, the pilot finally shuts his pie hole and turns off the seat belt sign. Passengers were watching their movies. Not me though. I hit the attendant button right away. Would you believe, out of all the seats on that big fat plane, MINE was the one with a broken screen! This being an Air Canada flight, I wasn’t optimistic. But the attendant was wonderful. I was given another seat. Of course, it was my wife’s. She volunteered. I didn’t like the fact that she wouldn’t be able to watch a movie, but she wanted to read. That’s her thing.
Then guess what happens? On long flights you usually get to choose from a list. On this flight, you simply turn the channel and watch whatever is on. The movie I started was fifteen minutes in. If this was one I was dying to see I would have refused myself the watch and chose to fume instead. But this was one I knew nothing about yet it seemed like one I’d enjoy.
When it was done, I had time to watch another. YES!
Remember, you have to watch what’s on. Like poor people. (or middle-class people in the 70’s, whatever). I had to wait for the movie I was interested in to begin again. Time for a bathroom break.
Most of us can remember the first time we flushed a plane toilet, because it suddenly feels like you started WWIII by pushing that button. You hit it, nothing happens, you furrow your brow, then BOOM! All hell breaks loose! My first time I thought I’d just opened a black hole portal to the darkest dimension.
This is not the case, however, for Air Canada. People are in there a LONG time, because when they flush, the little round metal thing does open at the bottom of the bowl, but just a tad. You don’t hear a loud sound. You just watch the insanity. The blue water swirls and swirls as if your little offering is at a resort of its own sipping on Margaritas. “Come on! Get down there!!” Flush again. Rinse and repeat. After an undisclosed number of flushes, your offering is gone. But wait! Do I stay in here til that last wad of paper is gone? It’s just sitting there perched on the edge of that silver disk! I’m stubborn, so the answer to this question, of course, is yes (For the record, the person before me was not.). Twenty-seven flushes later I emerged victorious.
Whoever was next better be grateful.
I arrived back to my seat and checked the screen. Uh oh… I sat simmering in my own smoldering rage and hit the attendant button again.
My Air Canada earphones stopped working…
Congratulations Lincoln. This is your week.
And the Oscar goes to…
Best Actress: Fiona Shaw as Eileen Cole in My Left Foot
Best Actor: Paul Dano in There Will Be Blood
Best Quote: “It’s a funny feeling being taken under the wing of a dragon. It’s warmer than you’d think.” — Gangs of New York
Thank you to everyone who helped us get this trip. It meant the world to us and I can’t tell you how much we both needed it.
And thank you all for your votes. I love these movies and would love to one day meet Daniel Day-Lewis. He really is a masterful actor. He’s the only one to win three “best actor” awards at the Oscars (I’ll post all the answers soon).
And thanks to Air Canada for getting us back to our kids and everyone we love.
Movie of the Week