The following words are not my writing; they are simply comedic quotes from movies, and they’re the funniest I could find. Regardless of whether you’d seen any or none of the movies quoted, you could read through each one and have a good laugh. They also won’t spoil the movie for you. Enjoy…
“I think I got it. But just in case, tell me the whole thing again. I wasn’t listening.” — The Lego Movie (2014)
“Hey, bro? You mind putting on some pants? I find it a little weird I have to ask twice.” — The Hangover (2009)
“Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.” ◆ “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.” — Office Space (1999)
“Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listenin’ to her enough, or somethin’. I don’t know, I wasn’t really payin’ attention.” — Dumb and Dumber (1994)
“The price is wrong, bitch.” — Happy Gilmore (1996)
“…You can milk anything with nipples.” ◆ “I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?” — Meet the Parents (2000)
“Thank you for a memorable afternoon. Usually one must go to a bowling alley to meet a woman of your stature.” — Arthur (1981)
“Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m a schizophrenic and so am I.” — What About Bob? (1991)
“You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack… it grew by one. So there… there were two of us in the wolf pack… I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, ‘Wait a second, could it be?’ And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!” — The Hangover (2009)
“Look on the bright side. Nobody got hurt.” ◆ “People got hurt.” ◆ “I’m saying, I think they died quickly. So I don’t think they got hurt.” — The Nice Guys (2016)
“I have a feeling we should kiss. Is that a good feeling or an incorrect feeling?” ◆ “Well… sometimes I have the feeling I can do crystal meth, but then I think, mmm…better not.” — Pitch Perfect (2012)
“I’m kind of psychic. I have a fifth sense. It’s like I have ESPN or something.” — Mean Girls (2004)
“Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I never tried” — Klondike Annie (1936)
“Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.” — Naked Gun 33⅓: The Final Insult (1994)
“The ratio of people to cake is too big.” — Office Space (1999)
“Say, Lou, didya hear the one about the guy who couldn’t afford personalized plates, so he went and changed his name to J3L2404?” — Fargo (1996)
Describing another character’s flatulence… “They sound like a baby blowing out birthday candles.” — The Other Guys (2010)
“I once thought I had mono for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored.” — Wayne’s World (1992)
“Suicide makes you hungry. I don’t care what anyone says.” — Anchorman 2 (2013)
“There’s only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people’s cultures and the Dutch.” — Goldmember (2002)
“Those aren’t pillows!”
Congratulations Planes, Trains and Automobiles. This is your week.
And the Oscar goes to…
Best Actor: Steve Buscemi in Fargo.
Best Quote: “Now Daisy, I want us to work out a signal system of communication. When I elbow you real hard in the face, that means ‘shut up’!” — Kurt Russell as John ‘the Hangman’ Ruth in The Hateful Eight.
It’s nice to get that out. I love quoting movies and sometimes I get a little pent up. Thank you everyone for your forbearance.