Clint Eastwood’s character in Gran Torino, Walt, throws out insults at whoever he happens to be talking to, seemingly from opening scene to end credits. I watched a compilation of them and decided I wouldn’t want to quote any of them in a post. The same goes for a real favourite of mine, Whiplash. I wouldn’t quote those either, and they’re for different reasons really.
However, there is an overabundance of good insults in movies. And seeing as today was such a perfect day–the sun was out, a cool breeze was blowing, had lots of family time–I thought this would be the perfect day to share some of those insults. Enjoy!
“Man… you are one pathetic loser.”
– Dumb and Dumber (1994)
“Hey, does this suit make me look fat?” * “No. Your face does.” – Tommy Boy (1995)
“Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.” – Duck Soup (1933)
“You’re what the French call, ‘Les Incompetents’.” – Home Alone (1990)
“Reggie, your breath is so stinky, people look forward to your farts.”
– The Nutty Professor (1996)
“Math tutor.” – Hook (1991)
“Take your stinkin’ paws off me, you damned dirty ape!” – Planet of the Apes (1968)
“If staying here means working within ten yards of you, frankly, I’d rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein’s ass.” Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001)
“Is it true you’re getting a divorce as soon as your husband recovers his eyesight?”
– Monkey Business (1931)
“You tiny-brained wipers of other people’s bottoms!”
– Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
“I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my
disappointment when you arrived.” – Horse Feathers (1932)
“Nearsighted gynecologist.”
– Hook (1991)
“Ow, you fat penguin!”
– The Blues Brothers (1980)
“You… juggler! You… canker blossom! You… thief of love!”
– A Midsummer Night’s Dream (1999)
“Were you born a fat, slimy, scumbag puke piece o’ s***, Private Pyle,
or did you have to work on it?” – Full Metal Jacket (1987)
“I’m the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy.”
– The Departed (2006)
“Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.” – Billy Madison (1995)
“You are a sad, strange little man. You have my pity. Farewell!”
– Toy Story (1995)
“Hey laser lips! Your mama was a snowblower!”
– Short Circuit (1986)
“You lewd crude bag of pre-chewed food dude!”
– Hook (1991)
“Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries. Now go or I shall taunt you a second time.” – Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
“If I wanted a joke I’d follow you into the John and watch you take a leak.” – Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987)
“Why you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy looking nerfherder!” – The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
“You two-toned, zebra headed, slime-coated, pimple-farming, paramecium brain, munching-on-your-own-mucus, suffering from PETER PAN ENVY!!!” – Hook (1991)
Congratulations Gran Torino. This is your week.
Best Actress: Carrie-Anne Moss as Trinity in The Matrix
Best Actor: Forest Whitaker as Saw Gerrera in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
Best Quote: “There were a lot of explosions for two people blending in.” – Alan Tudyk as K2SO in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
I’m thankful I don’t speak kitty cat language. I shudder at the thought of actually understanding the insults my Twila slings my way on the daily.