Pick your movie of the week: Better Remakes (May 19-25, 2024)

Most of the time a remake of a movie isn’t as good as the original. But once in a while there are ones released that are much better. Here are three movies that many viewers, myself included, enjoy more than the originals. Who would you vote to be our movie of the week? Vote with a comment:

Scarface (1983)

Freaky Friday (2003)

The Birth of a Nation (2016)

Breakfast Cereal Mascots: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

Let’s start with a top 10. For me, these are the top mascots based on a various factors. I don’t really want to go into what those factors are… but honestly, do you? However, I will say that none of these designations have anything to do with the cereal itself. Just the mascot.

THE TOP 10 GREAT BREAKFAST CEREAL MASCOTS

1. Toucan Sam (Froot Loops) – Yes, he’s a classic. When his commercials came on, I wanted to see them. And unlike a lot of mascots that were always trying to steal cereal from kids (wtf??), he was always helping them get it. Although I take off a few points, which is why he’s at #10. For starters, he’s a little smug. Not terribly, but enough for me to notice. Secondly, when the commercial showed the aroma of the serial so that we could see what Sam’s nose was picking up, it kind of made Froot Loops look like they had a weird odour. They taste great, but if you went by the commercial, they could possibly have had an old sock smell.
2. Bigg Mixx (Kellogg) – This one somehow evaded my memory, but one look at the box made me want to put him on the list. The cereal sounds good, and whoever came up with the character’s likeness should’ve gotten a raise. It looks like he’s a melding of various animals, and the top of his head looks like Cornelius the Rooster was in the mixx.
3. Buzz the Bee (Honeynut Cheerios) – Simple, kind, encouraging, and wholesome looking. Decent tasting cereal, too. An easy pick for this spot.
4. Lucky the Leprechaun (Lucky Charms) – A tad on the annoying side, but the very catchy slogan that is fun to imitate makes him a winner. “They’re always after me lucky charms.”
5. Cap’n Crunch – To me, the Captain’s greatness comes mainly from his voice. He sounded like a blend of Snagglepuss and your favourite uncle, post-retirement. I wasn’t sold on this cereal as a kid, but I was sold on the character.
6. Sunny Jim – The cereal was called “Force,” which seems like kind of an aggressive name. I’d never heard of it until this past week, nor had I heard of the mascot. He started out as a character named Jim Dumps who became completely transformed into Sunny Jim after eating the cereal. They also wrote little poems about him in their ads. And look at him! He is an absolute unit!
7. Snap, Crackle, and Pop (Rice Krispies)– These guys have been around forever. When I see them, I not only think of the cereal, I think of Rice Krispy Squares. They even remind me of Christmas for some reason. And the fact that they are named after the noise the cereal makes after milk is poured over it is just way too cool.
8. Tony the Tiger (Frosted Flakes) – I can’t say I was a big fan of Tony’s works when I was a kid. However, I couldn’t deny that 1) Frosted Flakes tasted like kid-friendly crack cocaine and 2) he really was quite a stud. He played every sport like a pro and even recorded the smash it, “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.” And his commercials often involved helping a kid who needed to beat some bullies in a game of hockey or something. Plus, the slogan is arguably the best of all in the world of cereal: “They’re Grrrrreat!”
9. Little Mikey (Life) – He wasn’t a bird. He wasn’t a rabbit nor an elf. He wasn’t even a cartoon. No, he was one of us. And he was the coolest little brother anyone could ask for. Give it to Mikey. He’ll eat anything.
10. Sugar Bear – Nothing beats Sugar Bear. The dude is coolness in the flesh. His slogan may have been a tad less great than Tony’s, but the way it was sung made it even better for me. You just know the Sugar Bear would be a chill guy to hang out with. And when they asked him to recreate himself to be more modern, what does he do? He just throws on a hoodie and is like, “How you like them apples, Post?” The bear’s a legend. He’s like Yogi meets the Fonz meets Bob Marley.

Now let’s switch gears and look at the losers. For me, these ones didn’t cut it. They might strike a bit of a nostalgic cord, but overall they were found wanting.

THE BOTTOM 10 BREAKFAST CEREAL MASCOTS

1. Trix Bunny – This guy was chief of sinners when it comes to the myriad of characters trying to steal from children. He also disguised himself in costumes to trick the kids, one time donning a Native American costume. Bad taste. Plus, you’re making the kids look like villains. Just give the darn rabbit some cereal for Trix sakes!!
2. The Quaker – Too old-time religion looking. Too British looking as well. I just knew he wore white tights, knickers, and shoes with buckles on them. Why does he get to be on the oatmeal boxes? Quaker, dump that image and exchange it for Wilfrid Brimley. It’s the right thing to do.
3. Coco the Monkey (Cocoa Krispies) – I wasn’t into Cocoa Krispies as a kid, but I wasn’t mad that they made them. However, they could’ve still used Snap, Crackle, and Pop on the box. Just draw them eating a block of chocolate or something.  As much as I loved monkeys, I didn’t like the idea of one moving in on the three hatted elves’ territory.
4. Dig’em (Sugar Smacks) – A frog? You don’t mix cereal with amphibians. Kelloggs, stick with furry cute animals and short, smiley cartoon people. Weird name too, by the way.
5. Cornelius the Rooster (Corn Flakes) – Yes, he’s classic. Yes, he’s been around since Moses. But he’s just boring. Which I guess is fitting, considering his cereal is Corn Flakes. I seem to remember it taking a while for me as a child to even make out that it was a rooster on the box. It looks more like a symbol that’s used to identify a public restroom for chickens.
6. The Craver (Honey Comb) – Kids becoming possessed by a little monster that looks like The Tasmanian Devil and Scrat from Ice Age had a love child? Too disturbing.
7. Cookie Crisp. Yes, that’s the name of the cereal, but it stands for all of their characters that turned out to be losers. The company just couldn’t make up their mind. They started out with a chef named Cookie Jarvis. Then they added a Cookie Crook. Then an Officer Crumb to chase the crook. The pair soon replaced Jarvis completely. Then Chip the Dog showed up. Then Chip was the sole mascot, only he was a wolf now. And guess what… he tried to steal the cereal from kids. Geez… talk about your copycat, unimaginative marketing ideas. I mean, they’re selling cookies made into cereal, how can you possibly mess that up??
8. Monster Cereals – Ok, Count Chocula looked pretty cool, I’ll give you that. But my siblings and I tried his cereal back in the day and, man, it tasted like they processed the Trix bunny’s turds. Plus, the Boo Berry ghost and the Frankenberry monster looked like they just went 10 rounds in the boxing ring with a roided up Tony the Tiger. The Yummy Mummy and the Fruit Brute came along and they looked ok, but by then the damage was done. General Mills, trust your Cheerios instinct. Your thinking outside the cereal box sucks.
9. Bad Apple and CinnaMon (Apple Jacks) – It’s a decent enough cereal, but they had these two characters, Bad Apple and CinnaMon (who was a Jamaican character) and they looked like this: Did they smoke weed every day? You bet your complete-part-of-this-nutritious-breakfast they did. And maybe Kellogg’s eventually thought so too, because they ended up exchanging their likeness for these two: That’s right. The poster boys for the “Don’t do drugs, kids!” campaign. Weird.
10. The Flintstones – Guys, you have your own show, you don’t need to be selling cereal too. Besides, one of my favourite cartoon characters was Barney Rubble, and you made him look as stupid as the Trix rabbit. In order to steal the Fruity Pebbles–yes, reduced to the overused cereal stealing–he has to wait until Fred is eating cereal outdoors (something he does a lot for some reason), then get a helicopter, or maybe construct a mechanical dinosaur in order to grab them. I roll my eyes. I roll them hard. 

Congratulations Nut & Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. This is your week.

And the Oscar goes to…

Best Actress: Linda Hamilton as Vicky in Children of the Corn Flakes. I haven’t seen this movie, so it would be interesting to see her in anything that’s not the Terminator movies.

Best Actor: Jim Caviezel as Edmund in The Count Chocula of Monte Cristo

Best Quote: “I can just see the note to the teacher: ‘Dear Miss Mason, Nick is not absent. He’s pinned to this note’.” – Robert Oliveri as Nick Szalinski in Nut & Honey, I Shrunk the Kids

It’s very fitting that this was the movie that was chosen. There’s a scene of a kid almost getting eaten by Rick Moranis because he’s in a bowl of cereal.

 

Pick your movie of the week: Breakfast Cereal (May 12-18, 2024)

Every morning I have my cereal. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember. These days its either Honey Bunches of Oats, Mini-Wheats, or Harvest Crunch. For this week, we have movies who’s titles have been altered to share a name with a popular breakfast cereal. Vote by movie, by cereal, or however you’re feeling it. Make it part of this complete breakfast!

Children of the Corn Flakes (1984)

Nut & Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989)

The Count Chocula of Monte Cristo (2002)

Coco Puffs (2017)

 

Great Movie Insults

Clint Eastwood’s character in Gran Torino, Walt, throws out insults at whoever he happens to be talking to, seemingly from opening scene to end credits. I watched a compilation of them and decided I wouldn’t want to quote any of them in a post. The same goes for a real favourite of mine, Whiplash. I wouldn’t quote those either, and they’re for different reasons really.

However, there is an overabundance of good insults in movies. And seeing as today was such a perfect day–the sun was out, a cool breeze was blowing, had lots of family time–I thought this would be the perfect day to share some of those insults. Enjoy!

“Man… you are one pathetic loser.”
– Dumb and Dumber (1994)

“Hey, does this suit make me look fat?” * “No. Your face does.” – Tommy Boy (1995)

“Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.” – Duck Soup (1933)

“You’re what the French call, ‘Les Incompetents’.” – Home Alone (1990)

“Reggie, your breath is so stinky, people look forward to your farts.”
– The Nutty Professor (1996)

“Math tutor.” – Hook (1991)

“Take your stinkin’ paws off me, you damned dirty ape!” – Planet of the Apes (1968)

“If staying here means working within ten yards of you, frankly, I’d rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein’s ass.” Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001)

“Is it true you’re getting a divorce as soon as your husband recovers his eyesight?”
– Monkey Business (1931)

“You tiny-brained wipers of other people’s bottoms!”
– Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

“I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my
disappointment when you arrived.” – Horse Feathers (1932)

“Nearsighted gynecologist.”
– Hook (1991)

“Ow, you fat penguin!”
– The Blues Brothers (1980)

“You… juggler! You… canker blossom! You… thief of love!”
– A Midsummer Night’s Dream (1999)

“Were you born a fat, slimy, scumbag puke piece o’ s***, Private Pyle,
or did you have to work on it?” – Full Metal Jacket (1987)

“I’m the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy.”
– The Departed (2006)

“Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.” – Billy Madison (1995)

“You are a sad, strange little man. You have my pity. Farewell!”
– Toy Story (1995)

“Hey laser lips! Your mama was a snowblower!”
– Short Circuit (1986)

“You lewd crude bag of pre-chewed food dude!”
– Hook (1991)

“Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries. Now go or I shall taunt you a second time.” – Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

“If I wanted a joke I’d follow you into the John and watch you take a leak.” – Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987)

“Why you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy looking nerfherder!” – The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

“You two-toned, zebra headed, slime-coated, pimple-farming, paramecium brain, munching-on-your-own-mucus, suffering from PETER PAN ENVY!!!” – Hook (1991)

 

Congratulations Gran Torino. This is your week.

Best Actress: Carrie-Anne Moss as Trinity in The Matrix

Best Actor: Forest Whitaker as Saw Gerrera in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Best Quote: “There were a lot of explosions for two people blending in.” – Alan Tudyk as K2SO in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

 

I’m thankful I don’t speak kitty cat language. I shudder at the thought of actually understanding the insults my Twila slings my way on the daily.

Pick your movie of the week: Car Titles, Part II (May 5-11, 2024)

Now these are movies that not only share a name with a car model, but they are also movies that people tend to care about more than last week’s. I also think each one is a viable challenger to each of the others. Which one do you prefer? Throw it a vote in a comment:

The Matrix (1999)

Gran Torino (2008)

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

Movie Genre Mount Rushmore

Pretty simple concept: the most iconic movies for each of the main genres. I tried to consider which films represented the category in having the highest classic status. I do take into account, of course, the quality of movie and respect it gets across the board amoungst fans, critics, etc. I tried my best to keep my own biases from being too much of an influence, but I guess we’ll see how that goes…

HORROR COMEDYANIMATEDROMANCEMUSICALWESTERNSUPERHEROWARROM COMSCI FIACTIONFANTASYTEENDRAMA

CULT CLASSIC

As for our movie of the week, it was a creative category, but not reallly a trio that too many people care about. I actually haven’t even seen two of the three. So for this week…

Congratulations The Patriot. This is your week.

Best Actress: Rosanna Arquette as Hannah in Silverado

Best Actor: Sean Connery as Ramirez in The Highlander

Best Quote: “Aim small, miss small.” – Mel Gibson as Benjamin Martin in The Patriot

 

Fun fact alert. If it wasn’t for The Patriot, we wouldn’t have had one of the most iconic superhero villains in movie history. Heath Ledger hadn’t been in a movie for a year because all he was getting were offers for roles as a teen heartthrob. He was about to quit acting altogether when this movie came calling. 😃

 

Pick your movie of the week: Car Titles (Apr 28 – May 4, 2024)

Every day I work with cars, and many of them have names that are in movie titles, like the Toyota Matrix or the Chrysler 300. In 2016 when the Star Wars movie Rogue One was released, Nissan dealerships even had marketing campaigns using the movie’s title and characters. Here are three more, all cars I’ve worked on. You can vote according to the movie, the car, or whatever fits you. Vote with a comment:

Silverado (1985, Chevrolet)

Highlander (1986, Toyota)

The Patriot (2000, Jeep)

Criminally Funny Movies

There are so many good crime/comedies that I decided to take all the ones I’ve seen (that I can remember) and break them down into several smaller lists. Here are the criteria:

• They fall under both categories of “crime” and “comedy” according to IMDb.
• They do not include heist, con artist, superhero, or spy movies, as I see them as really having their own genre. I also didn’t include biopics.
• This time I’ve listed them in order of how much I enjoy(ed) them. No critical thinking this time.

And here we go…

Best Crime Comedies: “Good Guys”

1. Kindergarten Cop (1990)
2. Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
3. Miss Congeniality (2000)
4. Fletch franchise (1985-2022)
5. I Care A Lot (2020)
6. Paul Blart: Mall Cop 1&2 (2009, 2015)
7. The Naked Gun trilogy (1988-1994)
8. Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
9. Glass Onion (2022)
10. Knives Out (2019)

Honourable Mention: Charlie’s Angels (2000)

Best Crime Comedies: “Bad Guys”

1. Where’d You Go Bernadette (2019)
2. Small Time Crooks (2000)
3. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)
4. In Bruges (2008)
5. Grosse Pointe Blank (1997)
6. American Hustle (2013)
7. Logan Lucky (2017)
8. Snatch (2000)
9. Kajillionaire (2020)
10. Raising Arizona (1987)

Honourable Mentions: Throw Momma From the Train (1987); Blue Streak (1999); Johnny Dangerously (1984)

Best Crime Comedies: “Buddy Cop”

1. 48 Hours (1982)
2. 21 Jump Street series (2012, 2014)
3. Dragnet (1987)
4. Rush Hour trilogy (1998-2007)
5. Turner & Hooch (1989)
6. The Other Guys (2010)
7. The Nice Guys (2016)

Best Crime Comedies: “Unexpectedly caught in the middle of crime”

1. Analyze That (2002)
2. Analyze This (1999)
3. Keanu (2016)
4. See No Evil, Hear No Evil (1989)
5. The Man Who Knew Too Little (1997)
6. Date Night (2010)
7. My Cousin Vinny (1992) – I find this one to be more of a courtroom comedy, but it fits the criteria. Plus it’s awesome.
8. Strange Brew (1983)
9. Game Night (2018)
10. The Big Lebowski (1998)

Congratulations The Other Guys. This is your week.

And the Oscar goes to…

Best Actress: Kim Basinger as Judith Kuttner in The Nice Guys

Best Actor: Daniel Craig as Joe Bang in Logan Lucky

Best Quote: “Your farts aren’t manly… They sound like a baby blowing out birthday candles.” – Mark Wahlberg as Terry Hoitz in The Other Guys

 

Crime is no laughing matter. But in the movies they are. Last night the Leafs lost to the Bruins in game 1 of the 2024 NHL playoffs. And THAT is no laughing matter.

 

Pick your movie of the week: 10’s Comedies (Apr 21-27, 2024)

The last full decade was a good one for some iconic comedies, such as Bridesmaids (2011), Game Night (2018), The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014), Deadpool (2016), and The Big Sick (2017). Here are three others that I got a good laugh out of. Choose one you think should be our movie of the week, using whatever selection method you choose…

The Other Guys (2010)

The Nice Guys (2016)

Logan Lucky (2017)

It’s Not Easy Being Jessie

Yesterday while I was working, “Bein’ Green” by Kermit the Frog popped up on my random shuffle playlist. It’s quite a long list of songs, so it’s every once in a while that I hear it. “Bein’ Green” is the earliest memory I have of a song hitting me deep inside. Not that it made me emotional, but I could feel the song. Could I identify with it. Was inspired by it.

So yesterday, another kind of memory came to mind. Like most of us, I grew up learning the virtues of not “feeling sorry for yourself.” If someone was by themselves moping, someone else was saying, “Aw there they go, feeling sorry for themselves.” Or maybe a motivational speaker tells a group of kids that in times of struggle they have two choices: 1) “You can feel sorry for yourself, or 2) you can pull up your socks–or bootstraps or something–and get out there and…” This came to my mind when Kermit’s voice started crooning while I sanded a bumper. It made me wonder, “Well, what’s Kermit doing in this song then?”

Of course, feeling sorry for oneself is real and should be avoided. But maybe some of those times we accused someone of this (including ourselves), we simply mistook someone who was actually just sad. And were there times when we gave someone the same advice as the aforementioned motivational speaker, and we inadvertently told them that when they feel sad, to just bury it.

I like what Kermit does in his song. He identifies something in life that’s hard, acknowledges it, acknowledges how it feels, and looks to the positive reality of it. Instead of burying it, he deals with it.

It’s the same thing that I remember Jessie doing in Toy Story 2. Talk about a child’s song that hits us where it counts, anyone with a pulse was moved when her story is revealed with the help of Sarah McLauchlan’s powerful delivering of “When She Loved Me.” And like Kermit, Jessie lets it be known what she’s dealing with and allows herself to be sad. Her arc brings her to Kermit’s conclusion as well, though it’s through a story, not lyrics, that we see it happen.

Something tells me we were a lot better at this as children than we are as adults.

Congratulations Toy Story 2. This is your week.

And the Oscar goes to…

Best Actress: Holly Hunter as Helen/Elastigirl in Incredibles 2

Best Actor: Idris Elba and Dominic West as Fluke and Rudder in Finding Dory. They were a great pair of seals.

Best Quote: “For a guy with three hearts you’re not very nice.” – Ellen Degeneres as Dory in Finding Dory

My top 10 favourite Disney and/or Pixar original movie songs

1. “One Little Slip” – Chicken Little
2. “Into the Unknown” – Frozen II
3. “Married Life” – Up
4. “I Have a Dream” – Tangled
5. “Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me” – Monsters Inc. (It’s very short, but it counts.)
6. “Un Poco Loco” – Coco 
7. “How Far I’ll Go” – Moana 
8. “Immortals” – Big Hero 6
9. “When She Loved Me” – Toy Story 2 
10. “Remember Me” – Coco 

Though none of them can compare to “Bein’ Green.” Just sayin’.